Sooo, I’ve come to the conclusion that I have control issues- anyone else raising their hand with me👀. With these control issues I’m faced with choices, 1. Surrender 2.be hindered. As I grow into the woman God has created me to be I realize that I have to choose one of the above choices. When it comes to parenting, my relationship, my friendships, ministry, business- EVERYDAY life! I can easily fall into the excuse that I’ve been hurt so many times and I have to be in charge to “protect” myself. “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10 <-----this let’s me know that I don’t have to protect myself, I have to rest in my protection, I have to trust that God knows what’s best and if I'm being led by His spirit and not my shifty feelings- I’m good! I want to encourage you today to rest in your protector. I know life has been difficult and people have done things that weren’t the best, but know this, God is a redeemer and if you have a pulse you have a purpose. I make the choice to either surrender or be hindered throughout the day-and if I’m honest it’s not easy BUT I know that if I trust God like I say I do win, lose, or draw- I learn something to carry to the next level. If I want to live the life He’s shown me I must get out of my own way, and so do you!
I’m working on being consistent and honing in on my gifts and businesses, so forgive me for being delayed AGAIN with this post lol. I don’t think people understand what a single mom endures, there is literally never a dull moment. No, we’re not begging for spotlight or pity, but sheesh! In this season of my life I’m learning that it’s not my job to do all and be all to everyone. I’m learning to let my no be no PERIOD! I’m learning to give myself grace to grow. The hurt I’ve endured caused me to want to control everything because there’s no way I can endure those things again. But I’ve learned that healing is impossible unless we let go. Here’s why letting go is so difficult, the act of letting go for some of us feels like we’re relinquishing our power and leaving ourselves open for attacks during our vulnerability. It’s easy to talk, teach, and encourage others to let go and move forward, and in some capacities, I got it but this place right here right now is difficult. Yet again I hear the spirit of the Lord saying, “how bad do you want it?” How bad do we desire to live the life we were literally sent here to live? I wrestled with that question a little over 2 years and here it is again, for this new realm, this new level it’s as if I’m renewing my YES to the Lord. I think I had gotten to a place where many of you may find yourselves, pushing everything into God’s hands out of fear of making the wrong decisions. Ya know, not giving real answers, not making real decisions because fear had you hemmed up. Today, I decided that yes, I’ve made some unwise choices before, yes some unfortunate things have happened to me, yes I have been taken advantage of- BUT GOD! I’m not that same person, the word tells us we become a new creature in Christ and that the old is gone and the new is here. I’ve grown in ways I don’t even give myself credit for, I’ve done things that I didn’t know I could do, and this next chapter I must be brave and trust that the God that I serve has me and my babies (my son and my niece). In a recent interview, in one of my responses I said, “logic and faith are like oil and water, faith never makes logical sense.” The two NEVER mix, I didn’t even understand how I needed that! As soon as I think I’ve “figured it out”, here comes another opportunity to stretch beyond my limitations and current level. I had to ask myself, “are you willing to miss out on a blessing?” the answer is NO! All of this spiritual warfare and tears and praying and fighting and lessons, it’s ALL working for my good even if I don’t understand how this piece of my puzzle fits with that piece of the puzzle. I choose to move forward in faith. I’m graced for this and so are you. A puzzle box is real cute from the outside, gives you hope that you can really tackle the contents- but then you open it and immediately begin to question and second guess. Life is very similar, we must look at situations/ opportunities and decide, and almost immediately we start to hear doubt and questions but when we take a step anyway, when we move forward anyway, the reward is the result of a strong yes! What are you saying, “YES!” to? Today, evaluate what’s trying to hinder you from thriving in purpose. Write it down, look up scriptures on faith and build yourself up to let your yes be YES!
I’m standing with you and praying for you!
Yesterday, I messaged a friend and said, " On this day something's gonna happen, 9/12 will be a day we NEVER forget" I put my phone on do not disturb and opened my Bible, it opened to Mark 3- I had just gotten back in from taking my niece to school (not by choice-she missed the bus AGAIN) but in front of us the license plate said, "MRK 4020", immediately I’m thinking there is no Mark 40 so it has to be Mark 4:2- I was getting warmer because when I went to Mark 4:20 I got what I needed to see at that very moment. Mark 4:20- But those that were sown on the good soil are the ones who hear the word and accept it and bear fruit, thirtyfold and sixtyfold and a hundredfold.” This time in the word ushered me right into another level of worship. It’s sooooo good! I was singing and dancing and woke my son up saying, “today is a day of excellence and we will be excellent!” He wasn’t too pleased with my big mouth or the loud music that was playing from the living room. But I couldn’t help it- It’s as if “it” finally “clicked”- I will no longer be a product of circumstance but I will position myself above the circumstance. Meaning, regardless of what I’m facing right now I choose to see what I can’t yet see. I choose to really BE intentional not just say or post it- but really make every moment count. I’m no longer afraid of my tomorrow be it a lesson in trying again or a lesson of success. I am literally making a choice to live out Matthew 6:33. It’s obvious that I still don’t know the depths of my “yes” to the Lord but if there’s anything that I’ve learned thus far walking with Him, it’s that He comes through EVERY time. Friends- not so much, my parents- they do their best, NO THING can compare to the fruit that is evident of the spirit of God. My perspective has shifted instead of me trying to prove myself and jockey for position I have peace knowing that I can trust my Abba more than anything or anyone. This faith walk is far from predictable, I mean listen I’m living in a state with NO family, homeschooling my son, my teenage niece is living with me- and this is just what’s happened over the past 3-4 weeks! Lol Talk about never a dull moment. Be encouraged today, knowing that God truly does have a plan for YOU, you really can trust Him with your whole LIFE! Stop compartmentalizing and giving Him the pieces you think He’s good at and keeping what you THINK you can handle or have under wraps-I mean under control. GIVE HIM YOUR ALL! He didn’t let part of His son die for part of you- the son of God (Yeshua) died with and for all of our mess, meaning the things that you are allowing to bully you are truly already defeated, but how you respond dictates the outcome. Today stand up, and decide to thrive in your purpose! Walk in excellence because YOU are excellent!
This morning on the #30daysofprayer call we stood in the gap for jails and prisons. It's so easy to forget those that are out of sight. You know the saying, "out of sight, out of mind" and unless you or someone close has been an inmate, employee or called to serve in a jail or prison you probably don’t think of it. I’ve lead/hosted this call every September since 2015 and jails and prisons has always been a topic to cover. Remember those who are in prison, as though in prison with them, and those who are mistreated, since you also are in the body. Hebrews 13:3. The only thing that separates us from them is FREEDOM, or so it seems. They may be physically bound but many are free mentally, emotionally, and or spiritually. But are you? There’s a correctional officer in control of their every move. You may be physically free but bound by mentally, emotionally, or spiritually. My question is, who has control of you? Is it fear, doubt, shame, guilt, food, depression, lack, your past, rape? What is controlling you and hindering you from being completely free to be exactly who you were created to be? Unlike a prisoner in a physical prison, you can be walking around in a mental prison- doing time for something that may never happen, allowing fear to torment and hinder you. You see, until you take 100% responsibility for your actions and life you will be bound by the past. My life changed when I stopped identifying as a victim and realized that I am a victor. I battled with depression, doubt, fear, suicidal thoughts, guilt- you name it! I was locked up- unable to thrive in my purpose because I was so focused on things I couldn’t change. As we prayed today for jails and prisons, I was reminded that so many free people are imprisoned. I compiled a list of 3 keys to unlock your personal jail cell, I’m praying that you be real honest and understand that the word says- who the son sets free is free INDEED, one of the definitions of indeed according to Merriam Webster simply says, in reality. Reality is, YOU ARE FREE!
3 keys to unlock your personal prison and begin to thrive in your purpose:
As I sit and write this, every keystroke is like taking a step deeper into the ocean. The initial toe dip is cool and exciting but with every step the water gets higher and higher. If you can swim you're not worried. Walking in purpose is very similar to getting in the ocean, you start to walk out but eventually you have to swim, you have to change how you sustain and refrain from going under. At some point your feet can no longer comfortably touch the bottom. Lately, I've been in that exact place, where my feet don't touch the bottom and relying on what works on dry land aka my comfort zone just won't work in the deep. There's a definite stretching taking place and though shrinking is the easier alternative I can't do that. Like, many of you that are reading this I feel the brunt of the waves of life smacking me in the face as I try to paddle and stay afloat. I realize that though, I can only keep myself afloat for a limited time, there's someone who has been and will continue to be my very present help. I've noticed that when I allow life to overtake me, and boss me around I lose my footing and begin to drown. It's imperative that we stay anchored in Christ. How? Here are 3 keys to staying anchored in Christ.
1. Be intentional- make wise decisions, be mindful of what you watch, listen to, who you interact with, etc
2. Flow- Being caught up on a time schedule can be a bit defeating at times. Understand the season you are in. Different seasons require different things. Don't trap yourself in a box, flow with Holy Spirit and give Him room to lead
3. Pray! Pray! Pray!- constant and consistent communication with the Father is necessary. Understand that you are not in this alone and you never are alone. Pray without ceasing and listen for instructions.
I'm in a real interesting place in my life and at 27 this is not what I had in mind. But I'm grateful that God sees fit to use me, walk with me, and lead me to be an example of His love and truth. My prayer is that you keep moving forward as you walk in your purpose!
Go be GREAT!
If your life has been anything like mine, you've been on GO almost nonstop! I have been writing this blog in my head for weeks! Eek... I'm really working on being consistent but the way my life is set up, I can use a few more hours added to the day. I recently launched 4 new businesses since my last post, my son came home from summer break, and I am also the guardian of my 16 year old niece- wheew! I want to encourage you that whatever you are facing, whatever you're carrying, know that you are built for this! You are graced to endure and overcome. Stay anchored in Christ and intentional with what you read, watch, say, and listen to. I am expecting great things from you sister, keep moving forward!
Today I want to encourage you, yes YOU! Keep going, don't loose your MOMentum. Mother's are cut from a different cloth, we have the ability to do some pretty amazing things. Don't lose your MOMentum and get distracted. Be intentional to crush your goals, WHATEVER they may be. Get in the habit of not being so hard on yourself. EVERYDAY is a gift from God and when we truly grasp that fact we put things in perspective and are able to take things moment by moment. The big picture is great but it's made up of little pixels. Every moment is precious. Today write 1 thing down that you are grateful for and write 1 thing that you desire to accomplish. I am excited for you getting back on track or continuing with a renewed MOMentum. YOU are so worth it. Keep moving forward! Press through and go forth.
I am deaf to doubt
I am deaf to fear
I am deaf to confusion
I am intentional
I am purposed
I am enough
I am precious
I am healed
I am free
I am more than a conqueror
and today will be an amazing day in Yeshua's name, AMEN!
As mothers it's easy to start to put everyone first and give yourself the crumbs. Not long ago I was involuntarily fasting. I had enough food for my son and he wanted to more so I gave it to him and I prayed and read and I remember feeling like "how did I get here?" but I was reminded that this may be my now but it's not my forever. I want to encourage you to keep moving forward. Don't get stuck where you are, don't allow your dreams to sit and harden like a pot of cold grits. Pick up a pen and start writing out your goals and dreams, start researching how you can start right where you are. Whatever your "it" may be, START and let nothing- NO THING and NO ONE stand in your way. We can teach our children everything we know but reality is, our children absorb what they see us do more than what we've said. Be the example. I remember having doubts about this faith walk and questioning my stability, it's like everything is always changing in someway. But the peace of God outweighs the doubt and fear that tries to bull me at times, I've had this unction to homeschool my son but got sucked into the "this is how things are done" way of life. But this school year I will be homeschooling my son. In the midst of all that I have going on, I know that I don't want him falling through the cracks, I know that he has gifts and a purpose and that as his earthly parent it's my responsibility to water his gifts and interests and help him hone in on what God has planted on the inside of him. Ya'll I was terrified and felt overwhelmed and bogged down by "HOW" until I made a decision to focus on "WHO"- God wont lead us to do things so we will fail. I firmly believe that the more uncomfortable we are the more glory reflects up to our Father in Heaven. Whatever you're being led to do, or start comment below and let's touch and agree with one another. I want to stand in agreement with you.
Go be great!
I pray that you are having an amazing day, and if it's not feeling so amazing do me a favor and close your eyes and place your first two fingers on the inside of your wrist you feel that!?! If you have a pulse you have a purpose! I know it seems like if it's not one thing its another but be encouraged that everything you face and overcome prepares you for the next level. Today I want to encourage you that this is not the end but the time for a beautiful beginning. I'm writing this today to hold your hand and let you know Sis, it's time to forgive and shift your perspective. I used to be a champion grudge holder- seriously I could have a trophy. I was determined to always let it be known that if/when someone hurt me or crossed me that they know, that I know what they did was foul. (LOL) I really thought that holding grudges was a way to protect me from experiencing hurt again. Holding a grudge is like putting a band aid on an open wound. A band aid won't heal an open wound just like holding a grudge against your child's(ren) father won't really fix the issues you feel and face. As I shared before I got pregnant at 18 and my son's dad and I sat at a Friday's and decided we were going to have this baby (I'll share a bit more in another post). Soon things shifted and I felt so alone during my pregnancy, it was obvious that one of us was ready for family life while the other was ready to party and be on the social scene. I felt lied to, I felt let down, and yet again I found myself abandoned. I struggled with abandonment issues so these feelings weren't new. I felt like yet again I was all alone. I laid hands on my belly and prayed for my baby more than I had ever prayed in my life. I knew that things were going to change but I didn't know the details. Instead of getting a place together my son's dad moved in with his cousin which meant I had to stay at my parents home. My honkey dory life was not panning out how I envisioned. After about 2 years of on again off again moving together and apart I found myself back in my parents home and I had gotten a call that an apartment became available and it was mine! I was overjoyed that my son would have his own room in this brand new resort style complex. Most importantly it was all ours. I don't know what your background story is to becoming a single momma but I do know that the power to heal and grow through what you're facing is on the inside of you. I know that bitterness, hurt, and disappointment can be uprooted from your heart towards your child's dad. I know that dwelling on the past will never help you move forward. I also know that waiting for closure or an apology is a waste of the gift that does not keep giving; time. Seek God to heal any open wounds, seek God for closure to the situation. If you are harboring any ill feelings toward your child's dad pray about it, cover that man in prayer (you may be the ONLY person praying for him). Talk to God about it, write a letter pouring everything out to release your thoughts, and feelings and when you throw that letter away let the bitterness, hurt, and disappointment go right with it. Forgive yourself. Forgive yourself. FORGIVE YOURSELF. We're humans, we make choices and sometimes they aren't the best but we learn to work with what we have and appreciate it just the same. I am rejoicing with you in total freedom from the past. Cheers to new beginnings!
Father God I thank you for my sister that is reading this post right now I pray that you will continue to give her peace, clarity, wisdom, and strategy for how you need her to move forward in the freedom that you've given her. Lord I pray that you put an impenetrable hedge of protection around her and her child (ren). Your word tells us that you are a mother to the motherless and a father to the fatherless so Lord be exactly who they need you to be. Show them your glory, protect and provide for them like only you can. I declare and decree that every soul tie is destroyed in the name of Yeshua (Jesus). I speak shalom into every home. Lord have your way every minute of every day in Yeshuas name, Amen!
You are AMAZING!
It's 1:36 am and I had to start to pen this journey. Holy Spirit literally told me something that really opened my eyes to another layer of my purpose here on earth. So here we are, I pray that my transparency and open heart will inspire you, encourage you, and affirm you. Inspire you to dream and take action, encourage you to keep moving forward, and affirm you in knowing that if you have a pulse you have a purpose. I hope this space plants seeds that will blossom into righteous oaks. Being a mother of a son is a weighty task. Boys grow into men, and men are to lead, protect, provide, and so much more. In December 2015 my son and I embarked on a journey to live in a new state. I had no definite details but I did have a word from God and enough faith to believe Him. We ended up sleeping on someone's floor for three months- I had only met her 2 months prior. Being a parent is tough, being a single parent is creative, but being a single mother of a son that my friends raises the stakes and to add to it I am a souled out blood washed believer. This faith walk is not a cake walk for anyone, but the dynamics change a bit when there are little eyes watching you. My son has wiped my tears, comforted unspoken fears, and literally holds my hand every step of the way. (Here come the tears!) You see I got pregnant at 18 and gave birth to my son at 19 and at the time I thought I was a blessing to this child- but let me tell you how this child has been a major blessing to me. Although, single parents are typically the ones left out and given the sympathy pat in reality we are nothing less than warriors. Some make excuses and others make it happen. We don't have much of a choice. Everyday is a brand new day with brand new mercies and I am forever grateful, but everyday brings a new set of questions and decisions. Some days I feel like Abraham- a faith walker, other days I feel like Gideon who felt inadequate. But regardless of my feelings I have to get up and lead, guide, and teach my son I cant afford to take days for granted. Intentionality makes a difference, my son has his own relationship with Abba and understands that God uses the willing not the "old". I guess my point is exactly what I was led to post on social media yesterday, no matter the situation, no matter the circumstance it's ALL good (Romans 8:28). Where you are today will be a memory tomorrow. I hope you walk alongside of me on this journey, let's grow TOGETHER!
You are AMAZING!